Note 002
My only hope is that once I have managed to escape, I will be able to live in peace. It is not possible right now. I am not expecting anyone else to understand this - I do not believe that we’d form a group that’s powerful enough to make a difference. I am not that arrogant to think I can do anything more than I am already doing, and it’s everyone’s responsibility to look after themselves. We all have to make choices: some are easy and some are not. There are many factors involved in making choices: the timing, strength and endurance, current context and a few more.
For some it will take years before they realise they are in a position to change things and liberate themselves. As I said, I am not ready yet, but I won’t be waiting years. I’ve made that mistake before and I have paid for it. This time I already know where I am going with it.
Note 001
I am struggling with the ethical aspect of our experiments. It is my job not to get emotionally attached and involved if I want to survive. I know I am supposed to keep formal notes of our research, but I am hoping that one day someone will read this and see how hard things were for some of us. I am not trying to justify this. I know it is morally wrong. People suffer, but there is no need for that. I am going to keep my head down until I find my way out of this hell. It might never happen, but I have to hold on to this hope. Otherwise, what else is there? I don’t think rebellion is an option. We are up against very powerful group, and from history we know how it would end.